


How To Conduct an Interrogation in Five Simple Steps or James Bondage stars in The Spy Who Fucked Me, Repeatedly

by Petalene



Series: What Happens in Vegas [2]
Category: Glee
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, M/M, Rimming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-06-10 14:33:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15293586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Petalene/pseuds/Petalene
Summary: When Cooper shows up unexpectedly at Blaine and Kurt’s, Sebastian says a few things that don’t make sense. The longer it goes on, the more suspicious Cooper becomes and the more determined he is to find out just how long Blaine and Kurt have been together.There’s only one way guaranteed to get him the answers he needs - the James Bondage interrogation technique.





	How To Conduct an Interrogation in Five Simple Steps or James Bondage stars in The Spy Who Fucked Me, Repeatedly

**Author's Note:**

> There was a request for a story about Cooper finding out and here it it. This is exactly what it say on the tin - porn star Cooper using his acting skills to get answers out of Sebastian.
> 
>  
> 
> If you haven’t read What Happens in Vegas, this won’t be as much fun, so go read that first. 
> 
> Here’s what you missed on glee -
> 
> Strangers Kurt and Blaine got drunk married in Vegas because Kurt wanted a dildo as a wedding present and Blaine wanted to keep Kurt from starring as a Bondage Boy in one of his brother’s James Bondage porn movies. Sebastian, Kurt’s co-dependent platonic BFF and roommate, just wanted to hang out with Jayson Sinn, his number one, all time, favorite porn star. 
> 
> Cooper, thanks to several lies, believed it was tru wuv because why else would his brother have been so hell bent on getting married? 
> 
> And that’s what you missed on glee.
> 
>  
> 
> Cooper Anderson = Jayson Sinn (his porn star stage name) = James Bondage (his best-known porn role)

Cooper knocks loudly, shifting his weight from foot to foot. The door opens. “Surprise!” Cooper yells, pointing as it reveals Sebastian.

Damn it. Cooper wanted Blaine to answer the door. Oh, well.

“Cooper,” Sebastian purrs. “My favorite movie star. How nice to see you. What brings you to New York?”

“It’s the first time since the wedding I’ve had a break in my schedule, so I’m here to celebrate Blaine’s birthday.”

“Is that today?” Sebastian asks. “Shit. I’d have gotten him a present.”

That’s weird. Blaine loves making a big fucking deal about his birthday. “No. It’s in July. It wouldn’t be a surprise if I showed up on his birthday. Kurt’s been with Blaine’s for a while, how do you not know this?”

Sebastian smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “I don’t pay attention to stuff like that. A few days before someone’s birthday, Kurt will either tell me to go get a gift or hand me something and tell me to wrap it because it’s so-and-so’s present from me. Come on in.”

“That sounds like something Kurt would do.” But Cooper can’t escape the nagging idea that he’s missing something. “I’m shocked Blaine hasn’t started spouting off a bunch of plans. It’s on his favorite holiday.”

“Blaine’s favorite holiday isn’t Valentine’s Day?” Sebastian says before his expression shifts into neutral. “I mean, of course it’s Independence Day.”

Back the truck up. Blaine’s favorite holiday is Harry Potter’s birthday, not Fourth of July. He wears Gryffendork colors and makes everyone have butterbeer and treacle tart instead of cake. The year he turned eleven, all Blaine wanted was an owl carrying a letter with a Hogwarts seal.

Cooper follows Sebastian into the main room and sits on the love seat. It’s the first time Cooper has seen their place. Sebastian has money and Kurt has style, so the furniture and decorations are tasteful and expensive. He can see some of Blaine’s things giving the place a bit of a homey feel. 

“Where are Kurt and Blainey?” Coop asks. 

Sebastian flops on the couch. “Sex, I think. They’ve been in there a while so they might be out in an hour? Maybe less. It’s hard to tell with them.”

“They still going at it like rabbits?”

“All the time,” Sebastian groans. “You’d think after almost six months, they’d have calmed the fuck down.”

“Ugh. I should have called. Have they been sexing it up like this the entire two and a half years, or just since the wedding?”

“Since the wedding,” Sebastian says quickly. 

Too quickly. 

What’s going on? Kurt’s obviously happy he married Blaine if they’re banging all the time. Blaine gushes about how perfect and amazing Kurt is at every opportunity and how Kurt would never, ever even think about anyone else. Which is weird because Blaine didn’t mention Kurt, not even once, until Cooper met him. And Blaine still doesn’t want Kurt to be a Bondage Boy. 

Because he’s selfish and won’t share. 

It’s not like Cooper really wants Kurt to be a Bondage Boy. Not since he sobered up after drunkenly and repeatedly asking Kurt to be in a movie with him the night they met. It would be a little weird. Not weird enough to stop Cooper if Kurt changes his mind and wants to star in a porno with Jayson Sinn. But Blaine’s reaction every time Cooper asks or even hints that Kurt would be the perfect leading man is hysterical. 

In fact, he should mention that the script has been approved for his next movie, Live and Let’s Fuck. They still haven’t cast the role of the virgin tarot card reader who uses modern gay Kama Sutra tarot cards to predict all the ways he’ll fuck James Bondage. Kurt would be awesomely flexible in all the positions on the cards. And Blaine will get the angry puppy look on his face when Cooper asks, so it’s a win even if Kurt says no. 

Cooper sighs happily. “So what were you planning on doing before I showed up to take you all to dinner?”

“Study, but I can do it later. Summer classes are the worst.” Sebastian closes the laptop and puts it in a bag followed by three books. “You have someplace specific in mind?”

“The fondue place by Central Park.” It’s fantastic. It’ll take two or three hours to eat and that’ll give Cooper plenty of time to hear about how happy Blaine is that Cooper insisted he and Kurt get married in Vegas instead of waiting for some boring ass ceremony.

“You want to take Kurt for fondue,” Sebastian says with a laugh. “Have you met Kurt? He’ll be all ‘Oh, my god, Cooper! Cheese has so many calories and my skin and what will Blaine say when I get fat and can’t fuck him any he wants.’ I’ll take a bet that its word for word. Unless the pay off for me being wrong is having to blow you. Then I’m betting Kurt will tell you he’s super excited to eat as much cheese as possible and he wants a triple helping of dessert.”

Cooper lets out a slow breath. That can’t be right.

Lots of people think Cooper’s stupid, Blaine sure does. Maybe that’s too harsh. It’s more that Blaine thinks Cooper isn’t smart. Which he isn’t. How did he not realize Kurt and Blaine were blowing smoke up his ass?

“So no fondue for Kurt, huh?” 

The weekend before college started, Cooper treated to fondue to celebrate Blaine getting away from mom and dad. It’s become a tradition for Blaine to get some friends together and have a leisurely meal right before school starts and life gets crazy. Kurt should have gone with Blaine at least twice. Sebastian should have gone, too, or at least been invited. 

“Have you ever eaten there?” Cooper asks. 

“No, but I don’t date and the only person I ever eat fancy meals with is Kurt.”

Cooper raises his eyebrows in surprise. Why does Sebastian like Blaine enough to enthusiastically insist he marry Kurt in Vegas but not enough to hang out with him? Especially since they all live together.

“And Blaine,” Sebastian adds quickly. “If it isn’t a date, then we all go out together. For fancy meals. All the time. We’ve been doing that for years.” He fidgets with the zipper on his bag.

Sebastian would be so much fun to play cards with. The boy’s got no game. 

Unless Cooper is wrong. In which case, Sebastian will be a brilliant lawyer. There’s only one way guaranteed to get the answer. Time to pull out the big gun. And Cooper does mean THE BIG GUN.

“How would you like to make that bet about Kurt’s reaction to fondue?”

Sebastian instantly perks up. “What’s the wager?”

The night Sebastian shared Cooper and Charlotte’s room in Vegas, Sebastian made a bunch of suggestive comments, even if he didn’t get pushy. Most of his texts are sexy and flirty and when they kissed on the gondola ride, Sebastian was dazed by it. As James Bondage, international man of mystery and sex, Cooper knows how to conduct a proper interrogation in five simple steps. 

“Not really a bet, more of a trade.” Cooper stands and walks around the coffee table until he’s in front of Sebastian, forcing him to look up. 

Step One - Get the upper hand. 

Sebastian’s eyes dilate. 

Yes, definitely working. 

Cooper leans forward until his hands rest on both sides of Sebastian’s head and he’s kneeling on the couch, his knees bracketing Sebastian’s thighs. They aren’t touching, but Cooper’s lips are less than an inch away from Sebastian’s mouth. “I have a question. One simple, little question. And if you answer it, I’ll take you to your room and act out your favorite James Bondage fantasy.”

“Uuuh,” Sebastian whimpers. 

“You have a fantasy about me, don’t you? Something you like to imagine while you touch yourself, wishing it was my hand on your dick instead of yours.”

Several frantic nods are Sebastian’s only answer. 

“Or is your hand not enough? Do you slide a dildo in your ass and imagine it’s my dick stretching you open, fucking you hard, and not letting you come till I’ve gotten what I want from you?”

“What....” Sebastian swallows. “What question?”

Step Two - Convince the target they want to help you. 

“Just a quick question. No big deal.” Cooper presses an open mouth kiss on Sebastian’s neck, sliding his lips up. “You want to help me, don’t you?” Cooper breathes in the shell of his ear. “Please? I’ll even beg if that’ll get you going.”

Sebastian shifts his hips, lifting them up. 

Cooper moves back. “Naughty boy. No dick unless I get an answer. Keep that up and I’ll have to punish you.” He threads his fingers into Sebastian’s styled hair and yanks him into a kiss. 

It’s been a while since Cooper kissed someone because he wants to and not because he’s trying to perform for the camera. The kiss is good, and when Sebastian slides his tongue into Cooper’s mouth and strokes, it’s amazing. 

Before he realizes what he’s doing, Cooper lowers himself onto Sebastian’s lap, pressing him into the couch. 

“Tell me your favorite thing about James Bondage,” Cooper demands. “Tell me and I’ll do it.”

“Dirty talk,” Sebastian moans. “Call me a slut.”

It’s not the answer Cooper expects, why not bondage? But he can work with it. “You’re a slut,” Cooper kisses under Sebastian’s jaw to his other ear. “Such a dirty, filthy slut. Spreading your legs for any guy who wants you.”

Sebastian tilts his head to the side, baring his neck for Cooper’s mouth. 

They’re both hard and ready. Cooper sucks a hickey below Sebastian’s ear. “Everyone is going to see the mark on your neck and know you got your greedy little hole fucked ‘cause you won’t say no to anyone.”

Cooper pulls back and growls, “Condom, now.”

“In my room.”

“I’m surprised a slut like you doesn’t have condoms in his back pocket.”

Sebastian moans, thrusting a few times before Cooper grabs his hips, forcing him to stop. “Beg me like the slut you are.”

“I’ll do anything for your dick, Cooper. Anything. I’ll suck you so good. I want you so bad. In my mouth, my ass. Whatever you want.”

“Because you’re a slut.”

“Because I’m a slut. I need to get fucked. Please.”

Cooper stands and grabs Sebastian by the front of the shirt, pulling him up. “Where’s your room?”

“End of the hallway.”

“Let’s go.” With a yank, Cooper drags Sebastian into his room and tosses him towards the bed. The instant the door is shut, Cooper is all over Sebastian. It’s so much better on a king-sized bed than trying to maneuver on the couch. 

Sebastian rolls them so he’s on top and yanks his shirt off followed by wiggling out of his pants and underwear. He’s tan and muscular, his dick is long and hard, pearly drops leaking down the shaft. 

Cooper wants to tap that. “I should have known a slut like you couldn’t wait to get naked.”

A faint blush drifts across Sebastian’s cheeks. 

“If you want me, you need to get me naked and get yourself ready.” Cooper gets off on making a guy work for it. 

Warm fingers brush against Cooper’s chest as Sebastian unbuttons the shirt and pulls it off each arm. 

Cooper’s eyes flutter closed and he lifts his hips. His plants slide off, replaced by lips kissing from the side of his knee up his thigh.

Sebastian rolls a condom on Cooper before tonguing his cock, licking the vein, and pressing warm kisses along the shaft. 

Step Three - Fuck him.

Cooper is ready to fuck, but he doesn’t rush Sebastian. Laying back, Cooper enjoys all the attention being lavished on his dick. The technique is good, drawing moans and whimpers from Cooper. He should talk to his director about making the sex better for the actors when filming so they all enjoy it more. 

Pushing that thought away, Cooper focuses on how good it is. Sebastian’s mouth is delightful, and when he takes Cooper in his mouth, he gets his lips all the way to the base. The back of Sebastian’s throat stretches and he swallows.

It’s with years of training that Cooper keeps from thrusting into Sebastian’s mouth. He doesn’t want choking to put an end to the sex. Cooper fists the sheets, breathing in through his nose and out through his mouth so he doesn’t blow his load before he gets to enjoy Sebastian’s amazing, talented mouth. 

Sebastian pulls off. “I’m a size queen and I can take it because I’m such a slut. Want you to fuck my mouth.”

Cooper is impressed. No one outside of the porn industry has ever been able to swallow his cock down so quickly. 

With a smirk, Sebastian sinks back down until his lips are stretched wide at the base and he swallows. 

“Fuck, that feels good.”

Sebastian pulls back, leaving only the head in his mouth and then bobs back down. Over and over again. 

Cooper keeps his legs spread, Sebastian kneeling between them. After being a porn star for so long, Cooper knows exactly when he’s getting close and how far he can push it. He’s also had a lot of practice getting hard again quickly. 

When he can’t take it anymore, Cooper grabs the sides of Sebastian’s face and thrusts up into his mouth. Sebastian takes it like a pro, relaxing his throat and jaw so Cooper can fuck his mouth and throat. The angle is a little off and its awkward thrusting up like this. And it’s completely fucking brilliant. 

Sebastian reaches a hand down to roll his balls in the sack. A finger presses against Cooper’s taint, stroking the magic spot as pleasure radiates through every nerve in his body. 

Cooper’s eyes clench shut and his toes curl. The edges of his senses turn fuzzy. His grip on reality slips and for the first time in his life, he thinks he might pass out from an orgasm.

As he slowly comes back to reality, Cooper realizes Sebastian is stroking a thumb over his hip. 

“You alive?” Sebastian asks. 

“I get why the French call orgasm the little death.”

“That good, huh?” Sebastian asks smugly. 

Cooper starts to sit up and the world tilts. He’s never been dizzy after sex before. It’s impressive. He gives up and leans back on his elbows. “You did a good job, slut. Now get me hard again so I can fuck your ass. I know it’s so loose from all the dicks you’ve had that you won’t even feel it, but I don’t care.”

Sebastian scoots closer, pressing his body against Cooper’s. “You’ll be the biggest dick I’ve taken. It’ll be so good.” 

Cooper expects Sebastian to go straight for his dick after disposing of the condom, but instead, Sebastian says, “Roll over.”

If Sebastian fucks him, Cooper won’t complain. It’s supposed to be fun for Sebastian, too, and Cooper already had a spectacular orgasm, so he’s all good even if he doesn’t have another. He shifts onto his stomach. 

Oil drips on Cooper’s back and fingers glide though the liquid, spreading it across his skin, rubbing it in. 

Sebastian straddles Cooper’s hips, sitting on his butt and he starts at the top of his back, kneading the muscles and working out a knot Cooper didn’t even know he had. It’s wonderful, Sebastian’s fingers are magic. It’s almost better than sex. 

Cooper moans to show his appreciation. It’s relaxing, except his dick is perking up. 

Sebastian scoots down and does Cooper’s lower back. His thumbs dig in, massaging the muscles. When he reaches Cooper’s ass, Sebastian grabs two handfuls and squeezes. “Your ass is perfect.”

“Thank you.” Cooper pays serious attention to keeping his body sculpted for his films. “A slut like you should appreciate a nice ass.”

The massage devolves into groping. At least, Cooper’s never gotten a massage that involves the masseuse tracing a finger around his rim before sliding it inside. 

Sebastian breathes, “Can I fuck you?” 

“Yes, but don’t come.”

The fingers are replaced by lips. Sebastian licks into Cooper’s ass, his warm, wet tongue stroking as deep as he can reach. 

The erection pressing between Cooper’s stomach and the bed starts to hurt. Shifting up to his hands and knees, he spreads his legs as wide as they can go. Should he keep going with the dirty talk? Sebastian seems to like it. “Come on, slut. Fuck me.”

“Prep?” 

“I’m ready.” 

Sebastian isn’t as big as what Cooper has shoved up his ass on a regular basis. He wants Sebastian to stretch him with his dick, not his fingers. 

A moment later, Sebastian’s dick is pressed against Cooper’s ass. It pops past the ring of muscle, sliding all the way in. 

“Very good, slut. Now fuck me and don’t you dare come or I’ll tie you up and spank you till you bruise.” Cooper hopes Sebastian knows he’s not serious. Unless he wants Cooper to do it, because he totally would. Sebastian would look pretty hot with bruises blooming on both ass cheeks and tears in his eyes. 

With a smooth movement, Sebastian pulls almost all the way out and thrusts back in. He nails Cooper’s prostate on the firsts try. 

“Harder, slut.”

Sebastian pushes in harder, but he doesn’t speed up. Perfection, thrust after thrust, just the way Cooper likes it. Sebastian’s technique it good, winding Cooper up like a spring. 

“Love your ass,” Sebastian pants. “You’re so tight.”

Just because he can, Cooper clenches. “How’s that for tight?”

“Good. But if you keep that up, I’ll come.”

“If you do, I’m still fucking you anyway. I don’t care if you’re oversensitive and it hurts. You’re such a slut, I bet you like it better that way.”

“I love getting fucked after I’ve come.” Sebastian moans, kissing up Cooper’s neck and to his mouth. He pushes in and pauses before pulling all the way out. “What to come with you inside me.”

Twisting his head, Cooper glances over his shoulder. Sebastian’s pupils are blown and his lips are swollen. It’s a good look on him. Sebastian’s self-control is impressive. Most people won’t stop when they’re that close. “Get rid of the condom and get on your back. Spread your legs like a good slut.”

“Yes, sir.”

A spurt of pre-come leaks down Cooper’s shaft. So. Fucking. Hot. 

Sebastian lies on the bed, spreading his legs wide. His hole flutters. 

Step Four - Fuck him again. 

Cooper can’t wait to be inside Sebastian, so he doesn’t. A ten second pause to roll on a condom and then he’s kneeling between Sebastian’s thighs. Cooper scoots forward, lining the head of his dick up with Sebastian’s body and moving Sebastian’s legs over his shoulders. 

A few small pushes and Cooper pauses to give Sebastian a moment to adjust. 

“I stretched myself while eating your ass. Please fuck me. It’ll hurt so good. I’m about to come. Want you to fuck me through it.”

“Now you’re asking for it, slut.” Cooper grabs Sebastian’s hips and sinks in, pausing to enjoy how tight it is. 

“Hard and fast,” Sebastian whines. “Please.”

Cooper pulls out until only the tip of his dick is inside Sebastian and then slams back in. He does it again. And again. Over and over until they’re both sweaty and panting. 

Sebastian reaches down to grab his dick. 

“Don’t even think about it,” Cooper says. “You come from my dick or you don’t come.” 

Fluid leaks out of Sebastian’s dick. He’s so close, his ass twitching and his breathing ragged. 

Cooper shifts his grip on Sebastian’s hips, fucking him hard. 

“Come on, slut. Want to watch you come all over yourself.”

“My dick. Please touch it. I can’t....”

The evil, but brief, idea of not letting Sebastian come if he can’t get off from just Cooper’s dick flashes in his mind. Cooper likes orgasm denial, especially when he’s the one denying the orgasm. But now isn’t the time. 

One of Cooper’s hands slides up Sebastian’s thigh to his dick. Cooper grips it tightly, the pre-come leaking all over it and making the slide easy. 

“Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

“Come for me, slut. Show me you like my dick fucking your loose, sloppy hole.”

“Oh fuck, Cooper!” Sebastian’s eyes close and his body stills.

Cooper strokes him through his orgasm, sliding his hand up and down the shaft as spurt after spurt of come paints creamy stripes on Sebastian’s chest. 

Sebastian clenches rhythmically around Cooper, intensifying everything. Cooper keeps stroking, tightening his grip. 

Until fingers tug weakly at Cooper’s hand. “I’m good, now fuck me. I’m such a slut, I’ve come and I still need it.”

Cooper hopes Sebastian wasn’t kidding about liking to get fucked after coming. Not all guys do. 

“That’s right, slut. We aren’t done till I say we’re done.” Now that Sebastian has come, Cooper can focus on himself. “Wrap your legs around my waist.” 

Sebastian’s legs slide off Cooper’s shoulders and settle around his waist. Cooper leans forward so he can kiss Sebastian while fucking him.

With every thrust, Sebastian whimpers. His poor prostate must hurt every time Cooper’s dick pushes against it. 

“Hurts,” Sebastian breaths. “Gonna be so sore.”

Cooper gets off on a guy’s willingness to suffer for him. He leans forward and bites Sebastian’s neck. “Deserve it for being a slut. I want it to hurt. Want to know you’ll feel it for days.”

“I will.” The whines turn pained. 

Cooper buries his face in Sebastian’s neck, thrusts in as far as he can go, and the world explodes. 

Sebastian squeezes and it's so good, it almost hurts. 

“Wow,” Sebastian breaths. 

Cooper lays on top of Sebastian panting and hoping he’s not squishing him too much. When he finally can move again, Cooper pulls out. He removes the condom and ties it off before wrapping it in a tissue. Another tissue to clean up Sebastian’s chest and the boring part is dealt with, so Cooper can curl up against Sebastian and kiss him. “That was something special.”

Sebastian smiles against Cooper’s mouth. “Yeah?”

“Very special.”

“So,” Sebastian says. “What was it you wanted to ask me? Not that I’m complaining, because damn, that was fucking fantastic, but now that the sex haze is clearing, I’m curious.”

Step Five - Get the answer. 

“Oh, that.” Cooper had forgotten he was seducing information out of Sebastian and not just fucking. “I wanted you to admit that Blaine and Kurt are lying about how long they’ve been together.” Not that he really cares anymore. If Blaine and Kurt are happy, then whatever. 

“Thank god. I thought you’d ask what to do to get Kurt to be a bondage boy and I’ve got nothing for that. Unless you do a musical. Kurt would make a badass singing villain. And what makes you think they haven’t been together two years?” Sebastian asks. 

Like a lawyer. And once again, Cooper needs to know what he’s trying to hide. 

“Blaine’s birthday is the same as Harry Potter’s, not Fourth of July.”

“That’s what this is about? I’ve never been so happy in my life that my parents make me go visit them at the end of July every year. I haven’t been around for Blaine’s birthday.” Sebastian laughs. “Thank you mom and dad.”

What? Cooper frowns. “And Blaine gets a group together at the start of each school year and they go for fondue. Kurt should have gone at least twice with Blaine.”

“Ah. Has it ever occurred to you that Blaine might have fibbed about a few things? I mean, you two are on opposite coasts and you can’t share everything about your lives. And contrary to popular belief, Kurt and I aren’t surgically attached at the hip. I could be wrong about the fondue place. Maybe Kurt just eats a salad. My idea of a back to school get together is drinking and fucking, not a long and drawn out heavy meal.”

Cooper considers. It makes sense. So much sense. And yet....

“Why don’t you jump in the shower? I’ll get you a towel,” Sebastian says. 

“Okay.” Nervousness settles in. Cooper just fucked an answer out of his brother-in-law’s BFF. “You aren’t mad, are you?”

Sebastian snorts loudly. “I just lived out The Spy Who Fucked Me, Repeatedly. Trust me, I’m good.”

And then he sings-

‘Cause nobody does it better

Makes me feel sad for the rest

Nobody does it half as good as you

Baby, you’re the best

Baby, you’re the best

Baby, you’re the best!

Two knocks on the door, and then it opens. 

“Sebastian, why are you singing without me-” Kurt’s voice raises to a shriek. 

“You guys okay?” Blaine pushes into the room and bumps into Kurt. “Cooper! Why are you and Sebastian in bed? Naked.”

Kurt gapes like a fish. 

“Guess who came over to surprise Blaine for his birthday?” Sebastian asks.

Since Sebastian doesn’t panic about being naked in front of Kurt and Blaine, Cooper doesn’t worry about it. Besides, Kurt is a fan of Jayson Sinn, so it’s not like he hasn’t seen Cooper’s dick before. Maybe not in person, but it’s totally the same thing, right? 

Cooper points at Blaine and yells, “Surprise!”

“I’m surprised,” Blaine says weakly. 

Sebastian smiles brightly and says, “Cooper’s going to take a shower. Blaine, I don’t want to hear it. And Kurt, you can keep your stupid mouth shut about my sex life.”

Kurt’s eyes flash with anger. “Stupid?”

It's impressive the way Sebastian holds his ground in the face of that glare. 

The smile on Sebastian’s face widens, showing too many teeth. “Croyez-moi. Ce n’est pas ce que tu penses.”

Cooper doesn’t speak any French outside of a few phrases guaranteed to get in girl’s pants, so he has no idea what Sebastian just said. Or why Kurt’s expression morphs from angry to puzzled.

“Don’t blame Sebastian for this,” Cooper says. “Mere mortals are helpless when faced with the James Bondage interrogation technique.”

Blaine shakes his head. “What were you trying to find out that you didn’t think you could ask me?”

“How long you and Kurt have been together.”

Kurt’s pale skin goes white. “And Sebastian told you we met on the night we got married so you’d fuck him?”

“No,” Sebastian yells, leaping out of bed and crossing his arms. “I deflected and then distracted Cooper by playing with his dick. YOU just told him.”

“I love Blaine,” Kurt says immediately, grabbing Blaine’s hand at the same time Blaine says, “I love Kurt.”

It would be cute how they found each other’s hands without looking if Cooper didn’t want to knock their heads together. Apparently, he forgot there is sometimes another step. 

Step Six - Get the real answer. 

And then Kurt and Sebastian are shouting at each other in French. It’s kind of sexy. Cooper should take a beginner French class. It would be fun to know what Bonnie and Clyde are yelling about. 

After a minute or two, Cooper’s pretty sure Kurt and Sebastian have forgotten he and Blaine are in the room. So annoying. Especially because Sebastian is standing there with a well fucked ass and arguing with Kurt is more important than basking while cuddling. 

Whatever. “Blaine, buddy. Hook your favorite brother up with a towel. I’m taking everyone out for fondue. You know, so you can explain why you let me talk you into marring a stranger.” Cooper should be furious, but he can’t muster up the energy to get angry. 

“Fondue?” Kurt says immediately, hitting pause on his argument with Sebastian. “I’m not eating fondue. It’s too many calories. And all that cheese? I don’t think so.”

Despite all the crazy, Sebastian smirks at Cooper and mouths, “Looks like I owe you a blowjob.”

Yes, Sebastian does. And Cooper plans on collecting after dinner.

**Author's Note:**

> Sebastian’s French - Trust me. This isn’t what you think.
> 
> When double checking a few things, I found a couple of minor mistakes in WHiV and fixed them. So if you downloaded a copy and want the updated version, it’s available. Cheers and thanks for reading. 
> 
> Comments and kudos make my day. :)


End file.
